It so happened!

You work hard, you save money, and embark on a once in a lifetime vacation and then there is one incident that occurs that ruins your entire experience. May be God wants it that way so that you don’t miss to appreciate the good things in life and learn to ignore things that disturb you. My two week vacation was great until I boarded the flight back, which was unfortunately filled with Indians!

Rushing to find a seat is etched in our DNA. Running bus, moving train, busy traffic – Indians have to be the first to embark or disembark no matter who they push, how close they stand to a stranger or whose privacy zone they have intruded. I have witnessed all the above. But flight? Aren’t the seat numbers allotted already? Then why rush? May be it is because of the fear that someone else will keep their cabin luggage on top of their seats! Having travelled to more than 30 countries, I haven’t seen nationals of any other country rushing into or out of the plane the way Indians do. May be that is called being civilised, which we lack big time.

The flight took off at 8.40 pm, and it was two and half hour journey. The dinner was served at around 9 pm, and my 3-year-old dozed off immediately as it was his usual time to sleep. The moment the dinner was over, few men started to walk to and fro I never understood the reason. Initially I thought probably they had complications related to piles, but then all they did was stare at each and every passenger they crossed. I am still clueless about what they were really up to.

We chose our seats at back of the aircraft so that if at all our son behaves cranky for some odd reason, it should not disturb the fellow passengers. And there were few empty rows behind us – unbooked I should say. Now was the time for some real action. Few men from middle of the plane got up, and seated themselves on the empty seats just behind us and engaged in lousy chat – exactly the way jobless illiterates do whiling away their time sitting on a parapet at shabby corners of Indian roads. 

Their talks and laughter was getting louder and I think a lot of Indians assume that talking from bottom of their assholes is a sign of celebration. I could not take their shit for more than 3 mins, I turned back and yelled at them. “What are you guys doing? Don’t you think others want to sleep? My toddler is sleeping and you guys are yelling on top of your voice? Is it a train?” And I loved the answer one asshole gave in return. “We will reach in an hour’s time, what is the necessity to sleep?” So this illiterate motherfucker who lied to his wife who refused to give him a blowjob, and went to Thailand for a 300 baht blow job will decide what time my son will sleep? Had I had a gun in my hand I would have shot him then and there – no arguments and no regrets whatsoever. And there was of course a hero in the group – “we will continue talking but won’t talk loudly”, he replied and they continued. I called the cabin crew and told him, “ask them to shut up”. And he replied, “I already asked them once.” “In that case if you have a process of raising a complaint against passengers give me the details, and I shall do the needful,” I replied. And there was pin drop silence from then. May be these illiterate assholes knew that aircrafts can ban people for misbehaviour onboard. I am not sure if they shut up because they realised that disturbing fellow passengers isn’t a right thing, but then I am sure they realised one thing for sure – if the aircraft bans them, they can never get a blowjob ever.

One problem solved, I turn back and this lady in the front seat plays a video on YouTube on full volume!! My wife asked her to lower the volume, and she does unhappily – but it was still loud. Another passenger from front of her seat calls the cabin crew to complain, the cabin crew requests this bitch to lower the volume, and then she abides. Don’t Indians have the minimal courtesy to use a head phone when in public?

The plane landed safely, and few got up to open the overhead cabins even before the flight came to a standstill. The air hostess had to announce thrice to make them sit. Once people started to get down, I went to the cabin crew guy and asked, “is this the way Indians behave onboard?” He smiled helplessly and said, “yes, always.” Shame on you motherfuckers!

I request all the airline companies to hire bouncers in their flight when Indians travel.

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