Rule 1 – I am NOT FREE
For heaven’s sake I DON’T provide my astrological services for FREE. All my services with their respective charges are showcased on my website – kindly go through the same before dropping me a mail at email@example.com
Don’t even try your luck for a free reading.
Rule 2 – No, I Don’t Visit Your Place For a Reading
Yes, you read it right. Having existed as a professional astrologer since the year 2004, I have never visited any of my clients’ place for astrological readings* – and I intend to remain the same as a matter of principle. CEOs, COOs, Celebrities, MPs, MLAs, Prime Ministers, Presidents – if you need predictions from me then you need to visit my office and not vice versa. When I travel, I of course announce my arrival on my website and meet people in the new destination – but still I don’t visit anyone’s house or office. I meet in a common place or at the property I stay.
*(For Vaastu consultation – I do visit my clients’ place)
Rule 3 – Avoid Confusion
Always drop me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org about what exactly you are looking for before making any payment. It solves 90 per cent of the confusion.
Rule 4 – Mail Exact Birth Details
The predictions will be done based on the date, place, and time of birth provided by you. Once the report is sent, kindly don’t come back to me with a new birth detail and expect me to do a new reading for the fee you paid for the earlier details. Reading for any new birth details will be charged.
Rule 5 – Get Birth Details Corrected
If you have any confusion regarding your birth details, drop me a mail at email@example.com There are astrological ways to narrow down on your exact birth details.
Rule 6 – Refund Policy
100 per cent cash refund will be made to you if my predictions don’t come right for you provided the birth details are approved by me before you go in for any of my astrological services. Please read this particular blog to understand how exactly my ‘Refund Policy’ works – https://askenni.com/2022/06/28/my-refund-policy-explained/ No refund will be done, if you have not read or not understood my Refund Policy.
Rule 7 – Know What To Talk
I mention them all in your report but then I don’t discuss astrological rules and astrological jargons with anyone. The day will come, when I might pass on everything I know to someone who deserves. Hence kindly don’t try to let me know about how much astrology you know. It pisses me off completely.
Rule 8 – Astrologers Need Not Consult Me
You need not consult me if you are an astrologer yourself. If you still want to consult me – ask just plain questions – nothing more and nothing less.
Rule 9 – Buzz Me Only If It Is Important
I am online on Skype (ID – gkennedi) the whole day to help people. Don’t think I am online because I don’t have anything else to do in life. So buzz me only if it is really important.
Never ask me – so Kennedi, how will be my day today? I will block you immediately.
Rule 10 – Mail Works Better
If you already are my client, and need some clarification – always mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. It is easier for me that way.
Rule 11 – Never Throw Your Attitude
You might be rich. You might be a celebrity. You might be running a multi crore business. You could be an MD, VP, CEO, COO. And you could be a NRI too. But for me you are just a client. My charges are same for you and also a local auto driver. So better try not to throw your attitude.
Rule 12 – Respect
I will respect you, only if you respect my profession and me first.
Rule 13 – Never Bargain With Me
I am neither a Marwadi, nor do I think I am running a business. So please keep the ‘fee’ part clear and clean and kindly don’t bargain. ISPs don’t give me free Internet connection, my landlord doesn’t give me free place to live, and the grocery guy never reduces the GST – just because I am an astrologer.
Rule 14 – Do Not Waste My Time, You Will Be Charged
All my services are linked from ‘My Services’ section showcased on the right hand side of my website – take your time to go through them. They all are self-explanatory. The details about what you will get under a particular service along with their respective charges have been showcased clearly for transparency. The charges are in USDs and if you want to know the fees in INR – you can just apply the present day conversion rates for the same. Mail me your doubts ONLY after you are convinced with me, my services and their respective charges.
Once you are completely convinced, and have finally decided to consult me – I would provide you with the payment details (bank details etc). Now you cannot take your own sweet time to make the payment – you have only 48 hours to do it (until and unless of course there is a catastrophe and all the banks in the world are closed). If you are unable to make the payment in the prescribed time frame, you need to update me via e-mail. If you don’t, then the next time you come back enquiring about the same service, and the same payment options – I will charge you 15 USDs more for having wasted my time previously.
Value my time and effort, and I will value yours always.
Rule 15 – Is the native normal?
Once you provide me the birth details, I presume that the native is a human, and that he/she is alive, and that he/she is psychologically, physiologically, biologically, and sociologically normal. If not, then you need to confirm to me before hand. This rule is completely relaxed if you have opted for Live Chat Consultations or Face-to-face consultations.
Not that I cannot find the native’s details in the horoscope, but then it takes time. You cannot go in for the least priced service and then expect me to spend hours on it confirming rest of the details.
Example – A person who knows that he has a brain tumour cannot hide his situation from the doctor, and complain only about his headache and expect the doctor to know his case on his own. Of course the doctor can diagnose the brain tumour, but only after some ‘expensive’ tests.
Rule 16 – Relationship Revival Fees
Unfortunately if my predictions have not come right for you and you have taken a refund from me, then it simply means that you are ‘DEAD’ to me. You need not connect to me or consult me till I die – as there is no need to. But it is very much possible that in life you end up with fakes and cheats who sell you expensive Gems and Yantras. With time you might realize that I was far better than those fuckers you consulted and come back to me. In that case there would be a ‘NON-REFUNDABLE’ fee to revive the relationship with me. It is USDs 1600 (Rs 1,00,000 INR) as on date – this is excluding the service charges.
Rule 17 – Pissing Me Off Charges
My tolerance level is really high but then there is still a possibility that you suceeded in rubbing me off on the wrong side with your nasty words, arrogant actions or manipulative behaviour. In that case you will have to pay a cover charge of 1400 USDs for me to even read and reply to your e-mail. If you are in the red list, you will know it. So better be kind and compassionate with me to expect the same from me.
Rule 18 – Be punctual or you lose minutes
99.99 per cent of the times I will be on time for the Live Chat Consultation. If I am not, it simply means my laptop was struck by a lightning. Even in that case, I will mail you or keep you posted about my delay or unavailability for the chat session beforehand. Same way, if you cannot come on time for the chat, it is basic courtesy to keep me updated. I cannot keep staring at the laptop waiting for you. I will wait exactly for 10 minutes, and leave the session and reschedule the chat for another mutually agreed upon date. But remember, you lost 10 minutes of your time already. Now the 60 minute chat will last only 50 minutes. This won’t happen, if you drop me a mail or message me about your unavailability beforehand.
Rule 19 – Waste my time & I will send you an invoice
“They are not my lines but Kevin O’Leary aka Mr. Wonderful’s lines that I stole after informing him on twitter.”
I have come across these strange instances where people send me a 2 full-scape-length e-mails describing everything that has happened in their lives or comprehensively and elaborately telling me the situation they are in at present just to ask me what service should they go in for. And after I read that 5-minute long e-mail and reply within 24 hours suggesting the apt service for them, they vanish like a fart in the wind! What kind of a malevolent game is that?
There surely exist smart, stingy and miserly people who get the needed hard ons just by talking to a whore about her charges for each service she provides. They talk, go home, and help themselves imagining and the best part is no money is spent in the process!
Similarly there are people who just offload their mental garbage on someone through e-mail, make them read, feel better in the process and then hibernate for 6 months till the garbage hits them back. And they send another e-mail to another astrologer!! I am done with such assholes.
I presume the people who approach me are intelligent enough to understand the difference amongst – Ask 1 Question, Ask Multiple Questions, and Specific Services and I am here to help only those, and not to read any essays articulated about anyone’s personal problems before the payment is done for a particular service.
If you still do, I will send an invoice to read your long emails.
New rules will be added as and when I have new experiences.