The games Uber/Ola auto drivers play

Whenever I had to leave my car at the service centre, the one thing I always dreaded was the thought of having to depend on and be at the mercy of the illiterate auto walas to commute.

It has happened many a times before, and it happened today as well. I had to wait on the roadside for 1 hour with my wife and my 4-year-old son to get an auto. My son kept asking, “why isn’t the auto taking us”? I kept saying, “they are all idiots, so we have to wait.”  

The auto guys we found refused to take us, because our place wasn’t enroute to theirs’ or they refused to put the meter on. Few asked twice as Ola or Uber would charge, and few asked few bucks more than the meter reading. 

The most miserable thing about the largest democracy is that you cannot do anything about such situations except standing there helplessly like a fucking scum bag abusing the auto drivers and their lineage.

The auto menace has always been part of India’s rich culture and heritage. However there was an ephemeral sigh of relief when Ola and Uber got into the market with their exceptional apps. They tried making life simpler – you download the app, key in your destination, app searches for nearby vehicles willing to give you a ride, a driver confirms the ride, reaches your pickup point, you get into the auto/car and share your code, the driver takes you to your destination. Once you reach your destination you either pay cash or digitally via the app, and go home happily. The concept is brilliant, but Indian assholes with their corrupt minds can fuck any system shamelessly and comfortably.

How does that happen now? Here is the  explanation….when you book a ride, a driver will confirm the ride immediately. Now the questions on top of his mind are, “how long is the ride, and whether it will suit his own interest.” In an ideal situation he wants to ride to a destination that is more than 5 kms and lesser than 10 kms, and that the ride remains within the city limits so that with less efforts he can make more money. But unfortunately he wouldn’t have the answers until the customer gets into his vehicle and gives him the code. So these illiterate bastards have used their bird brains to figure out a technique. They will accept the ride, and start moving the vehicle because his mobility is visible on the customer’s mobile phone. They either will move very slow and later blame it on the traffic or take few wrong turns to delay the arrival or keep stopping their vehicles in between many a times. Why do they do that? They somehow think that the customer is in a hurry for the ride, and if the auto gets delayed – they will call immediately. And 99 per cent of the customers pick up their damn phone and make that call. The auto guy will ask, “where is the drop madam/sir?” And if you reveal, and if it suits them, they will accept the ride. And if it doesn’t suit, they will ask you to cancel the ride.

I think as a customer you cannot cancel your trip for more than 2 times because you will be charged a cancellation fee. The same applies to them too – hence they ask you to cancel. If you don’t cancel, you cannot book a new ride – the drivers know it. So if you are a bit smarter than him and ask him to cancel the ride, he won’t do it immediately. He will take his own sweet time – because he is in no hurry whatsoever. You will either give up and cancel, or bloody go on an ego trip and waste your time and wait for the auto guy to cancel it first. 

To our dismay the auto guy has another way to escape – he rides for both Ola and Uber, if you delay cancelling Ola – he will accept an Uber ride and make his money, while you will be standing there like a fool. 

Of course there seems to be some time-frame for cancellation – but the auto guy knows that algorithm better than you. So how do you outsmart an illiterate asshole who takes you for a ride, without accepting your ride? Just lie. 

When he calls or when you call, and if he asks the same fucking question, “where is the drop madam/sir,” choose a place that is not more than 10 kms away and that which is in the city limits. When the auto arrives, switch on your phone camera, get into the auto, share the code, and keep recording your experience. Mark my words – he will shut his ass tight and drop you at your destination. 

By the way, if you are thinking isn’t it a sin or a wrong deed to lie? Remember, no mother fucking asshole deserves your truth.

Published by askenni

I am a professional astrologer from India.

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